my first blog^__^

this is my first blog! yay!... n so since i had my birthday last wk n cebrated with my top friends it was quite special 4 me. i felt very loved.. n after commenting bazijillions on my mentores blog...he inspired me 2 become a blog writer...i wanna become a great amazing writer like him!... so here it goes...whatever im writing...

i grew up in northern cali all my life and have always been a lil slow or special as we say. i was always in that special class i had 2 go 2 plus the regular classes. its been hard 4 me,but i loved school lots;it was a place i felt safe then outside of school coz i thought peeople were always staring and judging;not just the lil kids but the grownups. and plus i hardly spoke 2 anyone not even at home to my family. but somehow i always made bestfriends with 1 person or 2. i remember trisha n sharon were my best friends all thru part of highschool even thou we had our separate friends we hung around with n since our practically all of our classmates went thru same pre-k thru 12th grade we all knew each other or know at least others names.our town had population of 2100. its a lil bigger now but not that much.

once i started middle school thru high school major depressions hit;losing 3 teachers;1 to cancer;1 to a heartattack, 1 to lungcancer,losing a classmate 2 accidental gun shooting; n regular classes were way 2 hard for me n i couldnt keep up n my mommy n daddy would deny that anything was wrong with me when i can hear everyone else n my friends tell me yes i am very very different.there was this one chinese boy that would tease me n degrade me that i was the stupidest person in the world.i started hating school. but one thing that sooth me was music. my mommy forced me 2 play piano in kindergarten n hated it at that time.but then it was at a school recital when i got 2 first grade n i heard this 5th grader girl play the piano so beautifully. rite then n there,i wanted 2 learn 2 play. i learn how 2 play a lil by a family friends daughter who was in highschool. but it wasnt till end of my 3rd grade i took piano lessons and got an awesome piano by 4th grade which i play all my piano music today;same piano. i had alot of piano teachers coz my mom n dad were picky about my teachers. n i took a london piano exam level 1 test in 5th grade n got a 1st medal. this was probably the best thing ever in my life coz i never won anything ever. then in middle of highschool;i tried out runnin coz 1 of my good friend whos an athlete said i shall try out n u dont have 2 be good in it;itll be a good exercise for me. so i did;n running the 880,the long jump, n discuss was an escape of solace.i was the slowest of course,couldnt jump far,n throw like 1 ft.;but the coaches were encouraging me n improved the best;ending up with the most improvement award.i was so shocked n i was in tears of joy! i never thought i would get this in a bajillions of yrs. i started 2 open up a lil lil lil bit with talkin to my mom n dad n family n having longer convos then hi mom hi dad im home n then goin 2 my room. things were sort of looking up even with all these terrible feelings i had inside.
2 of my best friends from diff. races ended up being my best friends n still r my best friends even thought i hardly talk 2 them.theyre with me always in sppirit everyday. one hispanic,one irish/cherokee/european. then i met this cool girl or which i thought;she was japanese n very friendly but as days went by she was asking me so 2 go to places coz she had crushes on certain boys. but she would tell me she wanted me 2 meet them. so during that time i met a boy who went 2 same childhoodschool who became a golfer after highschool. i knew his sister coz we were in same class,but i didnt recognize him.coz i never eber recognize people. he was pretty interesting,definitely the life of the party. we stayed friends then i met his friend n caddy. n we became close rite away.but probably 2 fast coz we exchanged phone numbers 1st day. we were friends 4 long time.he was also famous chef in our county n everybody;seriously like everybody knew him. our personalities were exacto same 2;both quite;hardly talk alot,solitary,few close close friends. we were both robots;i swear. after a yr;something bad happened;rreally really bad;ending me breaking up the relationship; afterwards i started goin to these teahouse 2 chill;but his friends ended up making my life miserable.they were totally harassing; coming 2 the table where i sit and talking really loud what a weird n stupid girl i am n how im responsible for everthing. i have never told anything to his friends anything n it was how do they know all these intimite things that r suppose 2 be between 2 people unless he shared. n top it all off one of his friend threatened me on the bus n i ended up in serious schezophania break down; i felt like black crows were eating me up. i ended up shaking for half hr at the tea house before i came calm holdin a crytstal rock.given 2 be by this awesome hippy couple. they gave me a ride home n the next day n for days on end i could not get out of bed n just shivering in a curved position.the closed apptment with a dr. was 6months ahead.so during this time not did i suffer i had my mom n daddy in shock as ever. my brothers as well. my middle brother wanted to beat him up badly. n my other brother was the 2 that said cathy needs a diff. place; come 2 atlanta coz people r nicer n a nice asian population n diversity environment. so after about 3 yrs we came here.
with the doctor in cali she was nice n i stopped shaking like crazy after a yr but i was consuming 8 diff. pills. at this time i told one of my best friend i had depression schezo;but she thought i was just having a bad days;it wasnt till like 2 wks later n mom talked 2 her that it was so serious i ended up goin 2 the hospital ending up with 3 awesome doctors. shes chinese,n was like my big sister, n we went shoppin together n ending up doin yoga n tachi together. she helped me alot n im forever grateful. in 2005,before we arrived in atlanta, my guyfriend sent me a letter but my friend said dont write back or ill be hurt evermore.coz she knows i have a weak heart . and i never wrote back.also at this time this chocolate/coffee shop i went 2 to draw bunnies bunnies was my safe haven everyday. id get up n go there n comeback by dinner time. n subway was where i learn my limit soever spanish.so when we came i had a hard time coz ive never movedd anywhere ever. farms n farms my friends say. and after coming here it was interesting coz ive never lived in a city before n never seen so many asian people. n other people live side by side. i felt like ive lived in a bubble all this time.

so the first thing rite away when i came was 2 see n find great doctors..so trial n error i guess..coz the first n 2nd doctor were not so hawt...my 3rd doctors was an angel...n she asked me why did ur doctor give u so many pills u dont need...n couldnt read my cali doctors writing..n said were starting from the begginning...so i started with 3 meds n i am down 2 1 even though each 1 is like the strongest pill med. n it works well...my bro n sister in law n their daughter went to kcpc...n on sundays we came 2 kcpc...i just followed everywhere they went...n my personality at that time solitary n reserved n not friendly with people was the personality i had in cali...after about 2 or 3 months after stayin in atlanta...we found a great house..much bigger..and spacier with a basement...in suwanee..where we now live....

and after coming 2 kcpc...n meeting 2 amazing mentores that talk 2 me was absolutely amazin...coz nobody else was welcomin..they all look at me weird n didnt talk 2 me...i am forever grateful n wow how caring they(2 mentores) r....they didnt care how emo i was...so definito i have such love and compasion for them then my other mentores...i didnt probably talk 2 other people till after a yr went by or so or more....n i keep tabs of how people treated me in the beginning n where they r now...i did have a lot of blow ups coz knowin this is a big church..gossip is gonna be present always...i have better hold of my blow ups now...but no more extra nice cathy coz why shall take all these teasings n not tease back. i see alot of things in black and white now. i use 2 see grey...but as u all know its enery draining...like in the beginnin there was a rumor..cathy only like girls...she doesnt talk 2 boys...then its like omgosh,they dont come 2 me as k anything dont even say hi or how i am...n everytime they see me they leave the table ...thats what jerks do...n im sure others would have said something..while i just take it in n let it build n build...then blow up like a timebomb.....n i knowy it still goes on...coz usually i find out whats been happening after a yr or 2 has passed by by leakage of gossip thru my friends...n now there sayin ive made a love triangle....so its like ok...so how come i didnt know about this...n i had no idea i was in love...so now its very musing 2 me...i just let them think whatever..n if then can gossip like that i will gossip...

now after probably 2 yrs here i felt like ive opened up alot in my lil own way, n especially this yr ive learned 2 tone down my outbursts among my blow ups...n i appreaciate meeting all these woonderful friends n i love everyone very very much...n wow...v.workin at a humanresource,who would ever that that would happen in a million yrs!..but it happened...n how amazin my piano playing flows with emotions n passions...n jokes n make people laugh n make me laugh...i think the most misunderstandin happens is when people dont ask me then i dont know how u feel..n then i feel like not asking question either...n i serious think everyone needs compassion as that song goes,'everyone needs comppasion...' i feel like people at our church r very reserved...n so i think new people r very warm n welcoming...n i tend 2 be more connected w/them...n then of course...there r people i greatly admire n adore n inspire me...but just say hi..or just smile...another misinterpretation comes in when they say cathy is mad at me...but its like how can u say im mad at u...when i had no idea i was mad at u...so weird...they tell me im puttin n makin up things in my head..when they r actually doin it themselves... this is when great confusion arises 4 me...i still have a lot of flaws 2 work on...but i am greatful 4 all these wonderful people ive come acrossed n met....n 2 live another yr is quite awesome 2 i mean having a life insurance n all...

now i just think i have work on my crushies..i use have 9....then 5....then 3....but now its 2....
hahaha.... n everybody is totally wrong who my crush is....silly silly friends....

love,hellokittysweetie^___^